My dearest daughter, my very bright, strong willed & spirited child of mine. Today is your 17th birthday and I am sharing my love & gift of how blessed I was to be given such a joy in my life. Although your turning 17 and I have not seen those beautiful big brown eyes in a few years there NEVER EVER MISSED-!!!! I loved you, wanted you & thank our wonderful redeemer every night he will always keep you safe from harm and keep your mind straight on why Jesus died on the cross for you and I. I pray my dear daughter your day is blessed with love, strength, fun & much joy. I have a song for you called "A mother's prayer" by Celine Dion. My lovely sweet daughter you are terribly missed but I know I must keep my trust in God as you were always taught he is our only answer to anything & everything we go through and he has a master plan for the end and the enemy NEVER wins-!! I thank him every single night for every minute I was blessed to have you in my life and pray we will be reunited by him one day. Oh how I am so proud of all your achievements as I have always known you will go far. Goodnight my beloved daughter I pray we meet again.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Amber Nicole Souza
was my firstborn & has a heart of gold.
|Montanna Arianna Souza|
She came as a strong-willed child
but has the brain of a scholar ready for Harvard.
Shellbe Alexis Souza
Arrived prematurely but
was blessed to have a loving spirit that touches heaven & beyond.
God blessed me with three wonderful children. I am proud to say. I will always be there mother no matter who gets in the way. I could of never thought I could be so happy in life but I was as each new day past and with every waking smile they had to share with me it was love at first sight. I raised all 3 on my own with no help from there fathers but I was given the strength to overcome divorce, domestic violence, rape and then living with a autistic man, my youngest two's father whom I did not know was autistic but his heart was good and after what I survived in my first marriage it seemed rewarding. I later discovered I was on the spectrum slightly as are my youngest two. So there were challenges but nothing I could not survive.
I know our children can teach us sometimes better then we teach them. I will always know I did a great job as a mother and I now thank God for all the time I was given to be there mother in the home. I will not walk in fear of what the enemy has taken but stand proud for what I taught each and every one of them as I was there role model. My girls will always be just that, they will someday know the truth and it will set them free of any negative statements, remarks they were ever told about me. God has secured his spot in my heart so I will believe exactly what his words tell me and in Jeremiah 29-11 his plans for my life are good & not to harm me. We are here on earth a limited amount of time and it's in that time that we choose how to live and what to live by. I am grateful of what I was blessed to have and in God's timing it will be given back to me & for my patience & perseverance I will be rewarded double. I am glad I have no unforgiven thoughts in my heart & no bitterness on my tongue. We all reap what we sow and my fields are cultivated regularly to kill the weeds. It's been amazing being a mom I believe it's the most rewarding job I could of ever done. I am respected and surely loved so the peace is felt deep within my soul. God has been my answer for every trial I have ever endured and I have seen only one set of footprints many times throughout my life and know it was then that Jesus carried me through. I have been transformed to a new creature in Christ.
I thank him for all the precious and very meaningful times I shared in each one of my children's lives. I have no regrets and I am positive I did the very best I could do as a single parent.
I am grateful to all the teachings I have now learned and will always rely on my awesome faith. I am a mother but most of all I am a representative for Christ and with that I will retain my freedom to speak of all God has taught me walking through this fire. If you abide in him he can & will take you places you never thought possible while here on earth. I am proud of who I have now become in wisdom, faith, love, mercy, patience, perseverance & my ability to fall in love with my heavenly father. I am saved by his grace for my Redeemer lives~!!!
Thank You Jesus for your gifts I was given
and the gifts you graciously taught me to have.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
This is my story here as of last week my daughter who has autism & mild cp is 14 but functions a little below but very intelligent and as always I am to keep quiet and not ask about her "home life" at the foster home. Well the over-bearing women Norma left the room and left a "in training man to do the supervision." I felt my daughter would feel comfortable enough to talk, she turned to see if Norma was present & then felt comfortable enough to say "Well see this" and took off her shoe and showed me a huge bruise on top of her foot. I asked what happened she said "I fell after taking a shower." and I said "Where was Gloria the foster mom? " She said "She wasn't there but her adult daughter was downstairs." Did she hear you fall ? No as she was downstairs and I was upstairs. "Nobody took you to have it x-rayed."
She began to really cry and said "It hurt all day momma, I' couldn't walk on it." So knowing my child I said and what else happened, she said "Well when Gloria came home I showed her she said "We all get bruises, see mine." Then the tears really flowed and she said "I told the truth momma, but Gloria H. told me NOT to tell you as she wanted no complaining." I was very upset but held my composure and took pictures as always and saw her toes again were so long. I told her how proud of her I was for telling me the truth as momma has always taught you to do. She was terrified and kept saying "Now I am going to get into trouble as I was told not to tell." It took me and an additional supervisor in training to calm her saying he was going to talk to the foster mom in returning my daughter. In homes where adults are present and in the highest paying FFA home where it's about $2,000 a month to be paid to watch a child as mine they are to be there caring for them 24/7 (what if... she slipped unattended and hit her head causing her to go unconscious ?) but she left her in the care of someone else probably not even certified to watch her but was downstairs attending to her own child(ren) but then the ultimate sin is for an adult to lie to a child to keep a secret from her mother see because Gloria was not there and she runs not only a foster home but a licensed daycare she is the provider in and a mandated reporter.
After she returned, my daughter showed her the bruise and her remark to my child was "We all get bruises, see mine." showed her a bruise on herself. This is what aches my heart, a falsified report about me was written up on me 2 years prior stating I pulled this child (whom was premature in my care) by the arm, she was taken to Palomar Hospital where not a single mark, bruise or injury was found (because I never pulled her arm) but I was kept from seeing my precious child for one year and a half~!! The neglect, abuse & psychological damage that has impacted this poor child and my oldest have both suffered at the hands of San Diego County is appalling and is killing my girls, the medical neglect alone has caused my daughter (youngest) to now be back having petite grand mal seizures as before, irritability, sleeplessness, blood in her stool, eczema on her face & hands, her gut surely is a mess with bacteria as she is craving wheat and sugar again~!! So the county's answer medicate her with many psychotropic drugs some intended only over 18 but she's on it at 14.
(THERE IS NO TEST TO PROVE INTOLERANCE TO WHEAT OR GLUTEN~!!)
The supervisor over at Casa de Amparo Emily Morgan promised me she would file a CPS report but instead I was called by Norma Mendez telling me the visit's would no longer be held there and that they would be moved back to social services in Escondido. Emily told me she is a therapist. She's trained in sign's of abuse & made the descion to move me to a more stressful place back at a CPS office. Oh yeah she cares about neglected children or adults.
I assume holds a degree in it and we talked prior to this visit for sometime and she told me that I surely had PTSD as well as the child because we come there and relive this nightmare every other week over the last 4 years. She sat and talked with great empathy that day but then it seems her care went all out the window. She even shared "Linda our motive here at Casa de Amparo is to push to reunify the families and most quit coming but look at you still fighting after 4 years that's to be admired~!"
It's sadly the children NOBODY really cares about, shoving them place to place, not getting services to help them with their feelings and all I am is punished with is jail for speaking out trying to protect and save my children from more harm or damage. This tells you something about them all here and the social workers as were punished "moved" back to another location just because I asked my daughter how were thing's going over at the foster home ? I believe it was because I am forewarned about asking "anything" concerning her placement, but if they have nothing to hide why is it a problem ?
It was my daughter who offered to show me this bruise it was when I asked her how she acquired it is when the tears came flowing out and I know my child. She was terrified to "speak up" for herself as she softly said "Gloria H. told me not to say nothing to you as she wanted no "complaining" yeah because she is certified through the state as a FFA home and get's big $$$$ for her daycare/foster care home and for any child not just mine to screw that up for her would mean all her & her children's lavish trips, shopping spree's etc... out the window. Then to my shock they brought in a man "in training" and he took my child home that day. Do they have any concern for my daughter's safety that had already been abused by her biological father and yet let's this man just take her home unsupervised himself ??
Then to top it off I have been feeding my child the wheat/gluten diet 5 years prior to them kidnapping her, that won't hurt her gut and my attorney say's "Linda, they have been checked out for gluten intolerance and show none." how sad is that as ALL of us know especially with autistic children there is ABSOLUTELY NO TEST to show intolerance to anything~!!!
I pray for them all~!!
We may suffer here on this earth but we will have eternity to spend in heaven with our father.
This is her foot with the bruise in current FH.
This is a bite mark on her arm from adult in (FIRST) foster home.
in her present foster home.
besides behaviors, hyperactivity,spitting,biting,seizures
there now treating her with drugs to compensate these behaviors.
Her toenails were so long and I was told by Norma Mendez I should
spend my hour visits teaching her to trim them on her own
when she is in the highest paid FFA for that reason she is incapable
of doing these things on her own. This is my 1-hour time to visit my child in fact
were not allowed to watch video's and who get's paid ? Norma always saw these things and yet this was never considered neglect in her eyes ??
Friday, May 10, 2013
On April 16, 2009 I was depressed and over whelmed. I spent 3 days in the hospital.
My daughters were taken away from me without a phone call offering them to my family.
Once I was discharged I was told I was NOT a danger to myself or anyone else so my girls should have been returned to me according to many attorney's I've spoken to.
Can you believe in America, in the county of San Diego, Health and Human services has once again committed the act of medical neglect and abuse of my children in their care !!
I have informed the county my two autistic daughters are wheat and gluten intolerant. So why would they allow there care givers to continue to feed them foods which will harm them.
I even made and placed a medical alert bracelet on the wrist of my 14 yr. old who once had seizures due to eating wheat and gluten and to help protect her in the hope someone would care.
I placed her on her life saving diet that relieved all of these symptoms:
Red ears, checks, eczema, body aches, irritability, blood in her stool from a bleeding intestines,vomiting, severe behaviors, yeast that grows in the gut and insomnia.
I gave Social Services, Dr. Sandra Lee MD. and faxed Connie Cain all packets showing the link between autism, the brain and the gut issues that both my daughters and I suffer from.
Today May 8th a hearing was held to add more psychotropic drugs to my 14 year old and I feel it was fixed so I would miss this hearing, as my attorney nor I was told it was moved for the very first time in four years to downtown San Diego.
While I was driving to the court my attorney called me informing me of the judges decision to DENY placing my daughter back on her diet she was on for five years while in my care. ALL behaviors, illnesses and seizures had gone away.
With the documented proof I gave them all on 3 different occasions of there medical needs it's ignored intentionally every single day.
Sadly my daughter is now once again having seizures, severe behaviors and all of these symptoms listed above as well as poisoning my daughter's body and brain while she is forced to eat wheat and gluten.
The medical professional placed her on psychotropic drugs to mask the behaviors, seizures and all that's wrong with her today!
I spent 5 days in jail back in 2012 for contempt of a court ordered to keep my mouth shut and speaking out about this continued medical neglect.
Well I can rot in jail as ANY caring and loving parent who had major concerns for their child would do. I will continue speak up and fight for my children.
I cannot sit back and "agree" with these people that what they are doing is right when each time I see my very sick child and watch her deteriorate more and more each time I see her.
This child is moderately affected with autism and mild cerebral palsy. She cannot fight for herself. No one else even including the court appointed CASA "Lolly" will advocate for these girls.
I was told by someone who has wheat and gluten intolerance siblings and celiac disease that these people have 10x higher chances of getting cancer and dying younger.
As the mother of these girls I have lived with the very same condition all my life.
One child has already fought hard to live being born premature at 4 lbs.
Living through many hospitalizations being sick early on she had health issues as well as the oldest in the hospital being fed through her nose due to vomiting up milk (intolerance) at 6 months old.
For them to not just ignore but plain ABUSE them with their conditions, of wheat intolerance is sickening and their department is called "health and human services" !!
Besides the psychological abuse to us all for keeping them alienated away from their only parent they have ever known, who gave them an awesome life and went above and beyond for all their medical and educational needs. This has caused us all to suffer PTSD continually.
Now I am solely being DISCRIMINATED AGAINST due to my own diagnosis of Aspergers. I have long proved to the court I deserved my children back a very long time ago.
And since I was never offered any services including reunification I found and did all on my own.
I completed MANY things over the last 4 years. Submitting it all into the court but all is intentionally ignored-!!!!! (Even drug addicts get back their kids)
My attorney's have told me my girls should of been returned to me immediately!
Instead they were placed in a permanent plan from the very start "to kidnapped them" as a psychologist once told me in doing juvenile court for 10 years he has NEVER seen it go directly into a straight permanent plan!!
Well their is a God and he is a God of justice and he will deal with them someday please just pray for my precious girls that God will keep them safe and I am sure one day I will have a best seller.
I have never used drugs or alcohol in a abusive manner. I have never neglected or harmed my children.
I do have a mild disability but my intelligence is 99% and I have raised one adult daughter already whom is a awesome asset to society and gives me all the credit to why she is.
ALL six of my former county attorneys and a 7th I hired on my own all agreed I wasn't being treated fairly and that they felt the social workers had it out for me as noted in a e-mail by their supervisor of the DLG.
I was even made to be my own attorney for one year (but couldn't parent?)
I am on my tenth attorney since this all began four years ago.
GOD will bring justice to it all.
Thanks for reading, God bless
Saturday, April 6, 2013
There is one thing in all this "terrible" situation with my girls, knowing NOBODY but the magnificent creator is in control of it all~!! I am so prepared for his kingdom and know it will be just as awesome as the radiant beauty the rainbow holds within itself. Below is another shot.
NOT OF THIS WORLD
Saturday, March 30, 2013
( A Psalm ) of David
The Lord is my light and my Salvation - whom shall I fear or dread ?
The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid ?
When the wicked, even my enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my
flesh, they stumbled and fell.
Though a host encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise
against me, (even then) in this will I be confident.
One thing have I asked of The Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and (insistently)
require; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord (in His presence) all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty (the sweet attractiveness and the delightful
loveliness) of the Lord and to meditate,consider, and inquire in His temple.
For in the day of trouble He will hide me in His shelter; in the secret place of His tent
will He hide me; He will set me high upon a rock.
And now shall my head be lifted up above my enemies round about me; in His tent
I will offer sacrifices and shouting of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.
If you seek the ONE THING that can and will give you great joy, peace, satisfaction
and contentment. The world is full of "empty people" who are trying to fill the void in
their lives with vacations, personal relationships, a new car etc.... but will live their
entire lives without the ONE THING that will give you the absolute peace and
fulfillment of the best life you would ever have. His protection will also be over your
life as you read above in his word as his hand is over you at ALL times not just some-
time. I challenge you to seek the Lord your God and live your life to the fullest you can
live. Remember always.......
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
This is my story of a mother to be reunited with her child as it is in the animal kingdom shows the true heart of any being of this earth when there heart is big enough to hold such love to a capacity of overflowing. God bless you my dear girls, your momma is waiting.......